ah the brain

for me its a huge thing to be independent i like to pretend like i dont need anybody, and while its not true that i dont need anybody, i recently have realized that i need very few people and those few people are my very good friends. so its exciting for me to realize that i dont actually need this one person, i thought i need and that bothered me because this person didn't need me and that was a huge thorn in my side. i hate when i need someone and they dont need me, because then i feel vulnerable and thats just no fun at all. so anyways, turns out im just fine, and dont need them and its great it was just a huge great epiphany/catharsis for me to finally realize this and im in such a good mood right now. i feel like i know myself again, because again i can understand whats going on in my head, i control my feelings with logic again and that fixes everything i think

wow that sounds like really destructive behaviori guess but at least im being honest and if im happier this way, then is it really destructive?

not being dependent is mucho fun, everyone should try it, to be able to be by myself all day and not feel then need for humans is...very liberating, because when you dont have contact, you dont get hurt by others and neither do you hurt them. so, everybody wins
dont get me wrong, im quite a social person, this is just a good thing for when im not feeling social. its very contradicting i realize, but thats just the way i work i guess.