presumably profound

loss of life is something that has weighed on my mind alot recently. It seems so unthinkable that, one day, i will just cease to exist. i wish i could accept that fact, butlife-overall- is such a...place to be. i'm under the impression that there really isn't anything after you die- just nothingness-and is there is, how can it begin to compare? in life there is just so much to do- the whole world is jus there for the taking(thats right, im taking over the world). with proper effort, a person can do most anything.
like flying--one of my life goals-- with out an airplane...all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground until you miss.
anyways...Honestly, i tell myself that if i was to die at any moment-i would be ok with that, i try to make myself believe that i did everything i wanted to , that i'm happy with the way i've lived my life. Well, clearly, nooone is completely happy with the way they've lived. there's always something more they could be doing regardless of their age, who they are, social status, or occupation. I want tobe able to be more honest, to do what i want without having to worry about who might gethurt-but,alos, on the flipside of that- i wish that i could be able to be more understandingof other's feelings ( yes, cliche, i realize) , to be a nicer mor egenerous person/friend. i always think there's something more i could be doing to better my relationships with others and im just too lazy or anti social to do it. there are very few things i hate more than having to admit that yes i am a bitch, buti always wish people could understand everything else thats going on in my head that could be the root of aforementioned bitchiness..but they're never going to, and thats my doing as well, people can't possibly begin to understand each other until everybody is able to vocalize their feelings and thoughts. so it is my fault, becasue i know that i need to say my thoughts and, yet, i dont.
So. i AM the one responsible for my issues, and therefore, must accept that, until i do something about it and trust people not to let me down, i will be dissapointed in that aspect of my life.