halloween

it just occured to me what exactly i was doing at this time last year.
i was sitting at my computer doing the exact same thing, writing an english essay

but its funny exactly how much has changed
then: i was at my mom's house, in the basement
now: im at my dad's house in my room

thats not even close to representing what else has changed--
halloween one year ago i managed to get my brother's girlfriend completely smashed
sneak a guy into the house,
piss my brother off for the aformentioned smashed girlfriend
and have that girlfreind hit on my snuck-in guy

all that has changed a good bit
now i dont drink anymore, i had to make that decision, it became more of a stupid cop out and a way of escaping my everyday life without dealing with my issues
now i hardly speak with kelley, because i grew tired of dealing with her shit--not that i care for her anyless, i just dont want to deal with the melodramatics anymore
in the year thats passed i managed to go from being almost best friends with that guy to completely alienating him to him completely alienating me
i've managed to get in a fairly serious relationship, and have that end
i've managed to lose to majority of the friends i had this time a year ago
its sad and i miss them and all the fun times i had with them
but the thing is
i dont think i've ever known myself quite as well,
i've never had quite the understanding of things as i do now
i feel in some ways more childish than i did then
but in many others i feel, if not more mature, more understanding
i've finally learned what it is to sit back and figure things out, and attempt to accept them without the anger and frustration that i think would have met my issues a year ago
it took a long time to get to this point and i think, no, i know i have a long long way to go
but as hard as this past year may have been for me
its been good i've learned--
i've learned more about others
i've learned more about the human brain
i've learned the best ways to cook pizza rolls and easy mac
i've learned more about religion
i've learned more about dreams, those real and imagined
i've learned nore about appearences
i've learned more about what being friends is
and
ultimately
learned more about myself and the world around me
im glad