im writing an essay about the death penalty

but thats not what im thinking about

im thinking about life maybe--life after high school
well, life even in high school
when i go away--what if i can't do it
what if i dont go to class what if i dont learn how to study properlywhat if i dont do my homework
what if
my mom is right and im not mature enough to go college and i dont deserve the opportunity because of my immaturity

i like to think im fairly mature
maybe not in the sensible ways she would like for me to be
i know i dont do my homework
i know i forget my dentist appoinment or go on the wrong days
i know i sit a red lights for fifteen minutes to watch a train go by, even though i have things im late for
but i can listen to people
i can be there for them
i know how to love others as much as i love myself, if not more
i know how to see flaws and over look them
i know how to cook
i know how to do my own laundry
i know how to forgive
i know how to trust

but the question here is
what if thats not there right kind of maturity?

im supposed to get a job
i dont care about getting one --i need one probably to teach me about the things i lack in my personality
what i care is that im scared if i get a job i dont like, then i wont do my best and then everyone will get mad /disappointed at me
disapointment is the worst
i would rather anyone be mad at me rather than disappointed in me
I would rather be mad at anyone than be dissapointed in them