bumblebees

the rumbling school bus approached the rutted road cautiously
a splash arose, purple in color
droplets flew around an morphed into bumblebees,
buzzing into the sky, escaping their limits into
periwinkle moths, flapping lightly towards the sky-
a cloud raining clear, blue, purple droplets
onto the flat windshield of a school bus
with a squat man
gesticulating with a stump of an arm
a man, prejudiced against food coloring

december

its been awhile

how have you been?
good i hope
i do worry

im scared to write in this now
but here i go--in order to overcome your fear, one must face it head on
i think

im tired
no, not just tired, overwhelmed
i want to know about college
i want to take a break
i want to not be failing art
i want to not feel like im letting everyone down

i want last year back
but, i can only move forward.

so long and thanks for all the fish

its time for me to move on
go some where else and get away from everything

i dont think i've ever felt this alone
it might be because im grounded and haven't seen anyone for quite some time
but maybe i really just need to go

i got furious at my mom today because i came home and she had put a rug in my room and a bedside table

normally, i would have tried to deal with the fact that she changed my space and simply asked her to move it
but in this instance, she asked me multiple times if i wanted a rug, or a bedside table--each time i replied "no, thanks, i dont want too much cluttering up my room"
and yet--i came home from mydad's house and there's a rug and a table
i desperately hope that i wasn't just mad that she changed my room with out asking
because i haven't been this angry in a long time
i really want this to be a manifestation of some other thing im angry about--but there are very few things to blame it on
the thing is, i think i really was that upset about the change

im ready to move on and get away from things like this because i can step back and know that it is a stupid thing to get upset about, but im upset anyway, even as i type this,
i want to move on so that i stop burdening others with my issues, stop causing problems in my family, and stop making myself feel like crap

stuck

sometimes im afraid that i may be slightly crazy--not in the way that most people are, not just odd, but seriously insane
well, thats a bit of a hyperbole
i dont think im insane, but i wonder sometimes about my mental stability

the further into this year i get, the deeper i get stuck in my head, and sometimes its hard to extract myself and communicate with others
today, i was taking ronni home
and i completely forgot she was in the car

its not a terrible thing but its weird