those days

oh man
you know those days when it feels like the world is after you?
today.
today.
it was a "just can't do anything right" + a little bit of the flu + really nasty dinner that left me strangely nauseated
day
uhhhh
there are these people in the world
these people that are so good with their words and their thoughts that they are capable of making you believe what they say, that are capable of sounding right all the time
im so susceptible to them, they take over my mind so easily and convince me that they are right
it sickens me every time i get away from it that i'm so incapable of holding my own in a conversation
i stutter, i back down, ans end up just agreeing with everything
is it because I want them to be happy and nice to me? is it because I'm scared? or do I just feel like I'm less of a person?
I used to be able to manipulate with the best of them
I just back down now and walk away
It's so pitiful
I dont know whether to be disappointed in myself for my lack of a backbone
or proud because I don't feel the need to manipulate others for my own purposes
I remember that I used to have fun doing that