lonely

i've been so alone this summer, more than i have ever been
and its been miserable-
charlotte's at camp, and its weird how much i miss since i've been at school she's been one of my best friends, just cause we've beeen through alot together i guess but haveing her gone has sucked because not one person in this world makes me laugh harder.
benjamin's just in this stage of his life were i want to be there for him but i don't think he's doing the right things but i can't say
my dad just had a new baby with his wife- which is fine, i'm happy for them and i love the shit out of that little baby, but...
everyone knows what happens when there's a new baby everything else gets ignored. I'd be ok except all my friends are just not here so i normally hang out with my dad, but its hard to hang out with someone who's wife wants him to hang out with her little girl.
its also kind of lonely to not be able to talk to my mom. i tried so hard to have the right kind of relationship with her, i want a mom so bad, but a relationship is based on compromise, and i'm too old to have an 11:00 curfew just because she doesn't want to wait up for me any later than that. i'm not a huge partier. at all. i drink with my family more than anyone else. i'm not a bad kid either.
on the bright side of all this being alone- while my dad is at the beach with christine and ella and i'm at home with the dog and my pot- i've bonded a great deal with petey(dog) ad seen alot of movies.
I never realized how much i depend on people for companionship. I mean, i've always known i liked people and i liked to be around people i like, but i always thought i needed my alone time, clearly there's a limit to alone time, because i think i talk to myself more than anyone these days.
i dont know if this is just a bitch fest because i do have to admit there is a certain safety in being alone, i dont have to worry about saying the wrong thing because petey will love me if i just give him the last bite of my frozen mini corndogs. there are no social gaffs when you're alone and no one judges you except yourself. so why is it so hard somedays?
it scares me that i might not be good with my friends when i go back to school- do i even know how to talk to somebody thats not me or a dog now? sure i do, but.... theres always the what-if